This summer I did what I do every summer. I looked for teaching jobs pretty much everyday. I applied for countless jobs and prayed for the Lord to give the perfect job or at least some interviews.
I know the Lord heard me, but His answer was not right now. I really struggle with this because I want a job now. Actually I want a job last year. I don't know why I am not getting a job. I am most definitely qualified to teach a lot of different things. It makes me question my ability as a teacher. But then I think about the fact that I can teach students to read and I know that I am a good teacher.
This last job I applied for (1/2 time Young 5's in Grand Haven) was a job I really really wanted. I prayed and asked the Lord to please let me have an interview. The very next day they called and wanted to interview me. I felt like it really well. Possibly the best interview I have ever had. Then I had to write a letter that I would send to the parents if I got the job. I really liked my letter.
This was Friday so I had to wait all weekend to hear about the job. I was praying that they would choose me. My super great friend Sarah even sent the principal this letter about me that was so kind and thoughtful it brought me to tears. Well on Tuesday the secretary called and said they chose another candidate. I cried. The next day I had a voice mail from the principal.
She said : We really enjoyed meeting with you. You brought A LOT (she emphasized it) to the table. I especially enjoyed your letter. However we are going to go with someone else. She even e-mailed Sarah back saying she enjoyed meeting with me.
I am not sure what else I could have done. Maybe nothing. The Lord knows that isn't the job for me. Although I could totally see myself working at a school with a name as cute as Peach Plains Elementary.
Anyway, I have about 75% come to the realization that the Lord has a perfect job for me in His perfect time. I know it should be 100%, but honestly I am not there. I think I might be if I knew why I was staying in the job I have. I will continue to pray about this and if you feel led to you may pray for me too. It's rough being rejected over and over.
So I got the 75% by thinking about reasons why I am not getting my own classroom.
1. My migrant students need me. I love them and after four years they love me too. The other two people who worked with me are doing different jobs and maybe it would be too hard on the kids not to have anybody they recognize or know them. I need to explain to the new person that Alex can't sit for the life of him and its good to let him walk around because he actually listens better. I need to let them know that David is naughty, but he just needs somebody to teach him how to behave and to care about him. I need to be there for Angel as he starts 1st grade totally unprepared. I need to make sure to give him all the extra help possible.
2. I have awesome hours. I work 9:00-2:30. My girls do go to day care now :( but it will actually be good for them to be with other kids and work on their social skills.
3. I don't have to take any work home. So when I come home I am mommy and wife and that is it!
4. We want to have another baby. With my history I will probably be sick and the people at Lakeshore know this and know me and are supportive. A new school might not understand the severity of my sickness sometimes.
5. The Lord is teaching me to trust Him and his perfect timing. This is the hardest one, but I am able to see the bright sides of the job I currently have.
One of the main reasons I want a job is so that I can make more money and get a nicer car and a bigger house and more clothes and more stuff. However, if I were to make more money it would mean that I would have to work longer and harder. I need to enjoy what I have and not want so much. Time with my girls and James is so important that I am happy to have the job I have.
Wow, I think I might be at 90% now after writing down everything that I have been thinking about. I think the next 10% will be a little harder because there is that feeling of rejection and not being good enough.
I would love to put pictures of some of my wonderful migrant children, but I think that wouldn't be the best choice. Look for a blog in the future about these children!
P.S. I had originally called this blog Bummed, but after typing and thinking how I feel I felt that maybe I'm not as bummed as I thought I was.